Strange Behavior

January 30, 2015

UntitledUntitled
UntitledUntitled

The weather has been strange this month and it feels so... off. It has been warm and sunny, and we haven't had much rain, let alone snow or anything resembling your typical PNW midwinter.

All this springlike weather has me panicked about my garden plans. Should I haul in a load of compost? Should I get my seed starts going in the window sill? Or will everything take a sudden turn for the worst, freezing all the freshly blooming daffodils, camellias and other spring-loving plantlife in a sudden flash? It seems a bit risky to try anything just yet, but the sunshine is compelling me to go outside and play in the dirt.

Not only are the plants acting strange, but the chickens seem to be a little confused too. Amelia Pond, the hen hanging out on my arm in the photo above, laid a gorgeous egg for us a few weeks ago. Just one, and nothing since. And not only was it a gorgeous egg because of its pretty blue-green color, but it was beautiful because it had me dreaming of all the 3-egg days to come.

 Untitled

As proficient as Seven of Nine and Milly (the black hens) are with their eggs, we've found that two layers don't quite cut it for us and our level of egg consumption, so we've gone back to (rather impatiently) waiting for miss Amelia Pond and Starbuck to resume their duties in the coming months. Until then, I hope they're enjoying all the golden sunshine because, as strange or wrong as it seems, it's also rather lovely.

New Year's Resolutions 2015

January 17, 2015

UntitledUntitled
UntitledUntitled

I usually have a well thought out list of New Year's resolutions to share every Januray, but I'm feeling rather passive about it this year. It could just be that 2014 was such a drastically different year than I thought it would be when it started, so most of the resolutions I listed for myself failed to apply after the month of February. Or it could be that I anticipate how much our lives will change, and how much of our attention will be on just getting by when baby arrives in just a few short months, so I don't want to worry about overwhelming myself with anything extra.

Still, the process of evaluating my life and making goals is important to me. For one thing, despite the hype surrounding them, New Year's resolutions tend to work for me. It's often motivation enough to know that I've taken the time to set a goal for myself in the first place to get me through moments of aimlessness, even when I can't exactly remember why. For another, most of my resolutions become intertwined in my life so deeply that they eventually cease to require extra thought or effort. They simply become part of the patterns and routines of daily life, which is actually really neat to think about.

So I thought I'd try to come up with a few things to focus on as the craziness of 2015 ensues:

1. Knit my stash

I've been listening to the Woolful podcast lately, which, on top of all-things Wovember, has increased my intrigue for wool even more. And while I've switched to wool and other natural fibers for my knitting projects (aside from those given as gifts for ease of care), I'd really like to support more organic, indie sources that use sustainable, environmentally friendly methods.

Still, I have a rather sizable (for me) stash of yarn that needs to be dealt with, so that's my immediate goal: bust through my stash before buying new yarn. Stashbusting!

2. Stop feeling guilty

This resolution is a subset of my more generalized and ongoing goal of staying positive. Of all the aspects of positivity I struggle with, it's the guilt I take on for nearly everything I do (or everything everyone else does) that seems to be the hardest to shake.

I feel guilty when I knit or spend hours writing, and yet I feel guilty when I don't. I feel guilty whenever anyone does anything nice for me, when I ask for a favor, when my friends are having a rough time, when the good things in my life make others feel bad, when I take a nap during the day, when I don't think about work over the weekend, when I do...

I mean, seriously. I feel guilty all the time, and it has to stop because life is too short, and because guilt-based actions tend to rob from the sincerity and joy that otherwise comes from making choices about how I spend my time. And honestly, other peoples' problems are not mine to take on. I have plenty of my own struggles to deal with.

So that's my goal. Let go of the excess guilt and enjoy life. I'm in a good place right now, and have been for awhile. There's no good reason not to experience it as fully as I can.

3. Remember to focus on things that make me happy

This little lady is still safely tucked in my belly for the time being, but I'm already starting to fathom how easy it could be to make her the center of my universe, which, while both lovely to think about and inevitable at the same time, should not happen at the expense of my own identity. I feel strongly that in order to be a good mother, I need to be well balanced and happy, which means I don't abandon my hobbies, goals and all the things in life that help me function well. So, maybe I won't want to take any time for myself in the first three months or so after she arrives, but I will eventually need to take some time to reflect and think about who I am and what I want within the context of motherhood.

I'm not exactly sure what any of this means right now, but it's something I hope I can come back to and ponder once she's finally here and we've started to settle in a bit.

What about you? Any fun goals for 2015?